Is My Spouse Cheating

Behavior patterns to be aware of!

Infidelity does not discriminate. It can affect anyone of any race, color or creed. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, where you live, or your age. Infidelity can exist in your home, and you can be its victim. If it can happen in the White House, it can happen in your house.

Having an extra-marital affair is hard work. Your spouse has to juggle time for you, the kids and their lover. That's what makes your spouse generate a pattern of activities. In many instances you will identify with several signs.

The following is a short guide to help you determine if your spouse/significant other is cheating on you. Of course, this list is not all-inclusive. These are the Top Twenty activities that are typically indicative of cheating behavior.

Clue #1


Working a lot of overtime is one of the most common signs seen when you have a cheating spouse. Ninety percent of the time, a person who is having an extra-marital affair cheats with someone with whom he or she is friendly and close with at their job.

An affair with someone at work just doesn't happen overnight. If you and your spouse are experiencing marital problems, your spouse might need someone to talk to. If your spouse has known the other person for a while, he or she may feel they can trust and confide in that other person.

When a spouse has an affair with someone at work, the amount of time spent away from home can be limited. The spouse will say that he or she either has a late meeting or is working overtime in order to cover up the time away.

For example, if your spouse arrives home late on Fridays and Mondays it may be because he or she will want to spend time with the lover before the weekend and then again after the weekend.(Of course, the spouse may say he or she is working overtime on Saturday, too.)

Tip-Offs For This Clue:

1. No increase seen in your spouse's paycheck.

2. Extra mileage on the car.

3. You are unable to reach your spouse by telephone.

4. Your spouse returns home smelling of perfume, or alcohol, or has make-up on clothing.

5. Your spouse always wears a favorite piece of clothing or sexy undergarments on certain days of the week.

6. Your spouse does not give the location of the meeting, who he or she is with, or says what time he or she will be home.

7. Meeting with new friends or associates with whom you do not know, never met or heard of in recent months.

EXTRA POINT: Don't let your spouse become unpredictable! It will make it difficult to obtain the information and set patterns.

Clue #2


Leaving early for work happens when your spouse does not have the type of job that has planned meetings or overtime. Your spouse will only have this time to spend with the lover in the office.

For example, if your spouse and the lover meet early at work, they will have quiet time to spend together before the other employees arrive. They could also make time to meet for breakfast or a pre-planned destination such as a park, restaurant, motel, or the lover's house.

In many cases, the lover is also in a relationship or married as well. So, this early morning encounter works out well for both parties. They are content and seem satisfied with the short time they have to spend together.

Clue #3


A person who is addicted to the Internet escapes into his or her own fantasy world. Mostly everyone is lying to each other, and one would figure that having the excitement of being able to talk with others anonymously from all over the world would not cause any harm. Reliving the fantasies with strangers off your computer can be quite harmful to your real life relationship.

Correspondence becomes so personal, true identities are revealed, real relationships are formed. What actions should you take when your mate has extended the boundaries of your marital relationship? Our answer: When you feel as you would feel if being married to an alcoholic or drug addict. Your feelings of anger, isolation and frustration are just as painful.

Clue #4


Unaccountable hours occur when your spouse has a lot of free time. This sign is especially true with those spouses who own a business. Some spouses choose to gamble, drink, or shop with their free time, and others choose to pursue having an extra-marital affair.

Usually in the beginning stages of an affair, the subject can't think of answers to give the spouse as to where he or she has been or is going. The spouse may feel confused about having the affair, and fears getting caught in a lie.

For example, the subject may have had a two-hour break between clients, and claims to have gone shopping for the two hours´┐Żbut didn't bring home any merchandise. When the spouse is pressured for an answer, he or she is unable to answer, or may use an excuse such as "I went out to the store," or "I went for a walk or a drive."

Clue #5


Leaving home during an argument happens many times when a spouse wants to leave the house, so the spouse can call or meet the lover. The spouse has exhausted all other excuses, and is usually very restless at home. Go with your gut feeling if you think something isn't right with your spouse's behavior.

When you make an attempt to talk with your spouse, he or she usually starts an argument, taking the offense, so that you are kept on the defense. Your natural reaction is to back off due to the restlessness and accusations.

Your spouse may insist on leaving or going for a drive to calm down. You may end up thinking that you have been pushing your spouse too much, and you should become more understanding. Take note once your spouse returns: is he or she more relaxed now? This may be because your spouse either called or spent time with the lover!

Clue #6


Additional mileage on the odometer of a vehicle tells you if your spouse is indeed staying late at work or is just going to the store. You can check to see if there is any additional mileage on the vehicle.

Does the mileage coincide with the daily destinations? You can calculate the additional mileage on the vehicle and determine how far the subject must drive to meet the lover. You can determine a radius around where the subject drove last, to see the possible area where the subject meets the lover.

Clue #7


Having new friends mentioned is a possibility of having an affair. The spouse needs to have an alibi, one that you are unable to track. When the spouse uses new business associates or new friends as an excuse, there is no possibility of your checking up on them. There is no chance of your running into these new friends.

Listen closely for name dropping of these new friends. For example, you may ask another associate, who should know your spouse's acquaintances,about that meeting last Thursday and how it went? Listen for the tone in the associate's voice, as well as the reply. Does it sound like they have no idea what you are talking about? Do they begin to hem and haw, at a loss for words? Or do they say, "It went great"?

Clue #8


When a spouse states they are at work, at a meeting, or out with associates, the smell of perfume or alcohol should not come into the picture if they are telling the truth.

For example, when a female is dating a male, she will always wear perfume and lipstick. Many men tell their girlfriends that they are single. The man can't tell the female not to wear perfume and lipstick, as that would tip off the female that he is married. The man will try not to get too close to the female during the date. He might even take along a change of clothing and switch back, so that the wife doesn't get suspicious.

Clue #9


Hiding the home telephone bill is a sure sign that your spouse is "up to something", such as having an affair. The spouse enjoys the excitement and risk of being able to call the lover when at home. He or she will call their lover even when the spouse is at home, in the shower, outside, or on a different floor of the house.

When the spouse attempts to hide the telephone bill it's because he or she does not want the spouse to find the lover's work or home phone number. A spouse might even have the telephone bill mailed directly to his or her place of employment to omit the chance of the spouse's ever seeing it.

If the lover is calling your spouse, it might show up on the Caller ID. If you don't already have the terminal hooked up to your phone, subscribe to it. This can easily determine the lover's name and address.

Clue #10


Saying "It is your imagination" is a direct reaction and accusation from your spouse when you begin to question the fidelity in your relationship.

Telling you that this "so called affair" is in your own imagination usually takes place once your spouse has become comfortable and lazy with the regular excuses. Laziness of hiding the affair usually happens after six months or more from the beginning of it. This is when the lovers make mistakes and you begin to take real close notice. The spouse makes mistakes when he or she begins to show numerous signs.

When you began to take notice of your spouse's behavior, it was only natural for you to confront your spouse with your suspicions. You have made your spouse cleverer to cover-up the affair.

Clue #11


Receiving hang-up phone calls is a significant indication of a cheating spouse. There are several reasons you or your spouse would receive a hang-up phone call. For example, a lover could become angry with your spouse and will call to get his or her attention.

Here's a case scenario: your spouse was supposed to call the lover at a certain time, but was unable to do so since you were present. The lover waits for the call, and the more time that passes, the more upset the lover becomes - until they just can't stand it anymore and they call.

Another situation develops when the lover wants to talk with your spouse, and repeatedly calls until your spouse picks up the phone. The need to talk for a few minutes is very strong. In this situation, the lover is attempting to keep control of the affair as well as cause trouble in the marriage.

Clue #12


The personal purchase of a pager indicates a strong sign of cheating.

If your spouse's company felt it was important that he or she has a pager, they would have supplied one a long time ago. You can press the key on the pager to find out where the last twelve calls came from. By writing down those numbers, you can see the most common number that your spouse is receiving, and at what time they came in.

Also look for coded pages like 777 (Lucky 7's could mean, I'll see you tonight) or 458-8968 (transcribes to I LUV YOU), or 464-7782 (transcribes to I MISS YOU). Pretty sneaky, huh?

Clue #13


A couple that has had a sexual pattern, which changes drastically, is usually a sign of a cheating spouse. Your spouse might use excuses like "It's the pressure at work," or "It's the house bills," or the demands of children, or even pressure from the two of you arguing lately.

Your spouse will never say it's because of the lover that he or she has. Document the times your spouse looks extra nice when going out or to work. That might be the day your spouse is meeting the lover.

Clue #14


New sexual techniques often become evident when you know your spouse always enjoyed having sex a certain way.

For example, if your spouse has a new sexual technique, you might not believe this idea came from renting an X-rated movie, or an adult magazine. A new sex partner is probably where they learned it. Perhaps, your spouse changed his or her own style and interests and wants you to perform it. Your spouse may use these new techniques with you, but fails to realize that you see this change not as fun, but as a warning flag.

Clue #15


No longer wearing a wedding ring is an age-old sign of a cheating spouse.

If your spouse frequents a singles bar or hangout with single friends, they might hide their wedding ring. When a spouse tells their lover they are separated, the lover will not want them to wear the wedding ring when they are together. Sooner or later, the spouse will forget to put it back on before coming home.

Clue #16


Look for unexplained purchases on your spouse's charge card.

Study itemized bills or a receipt for an item, which you haven't received. Your spouse will never think you took notice of these charges.

Also, place special attention on a spouse who uses company charge cards. Look for charges from florists, department stores, hotels and restaurants.

Clue #17


Taking business trips alone when at one time you were always invited along can often be a sign of a spouse with something to hide.

If a spouse travels a lot for the company, he or she might be having the lover come along for a mini-vacation. The lover could be a co-worker who also must attend the business trip. It doesn't cost the subject much money, as the company is already providing the hotel, food, car rental and other expenses. By having the lover along, the spouse will be more relaxed, not having to worry about anyone seeing them. They will have a great time at their company's expense. When the spouse gets back, look for those receipts.

Clue #18


It is quite common to find the subject having an affair with your best friend!

People cheat with others they are closest to. Friends and couples who hang out together, neighbors, usually have much in common. For example, your spouse's friend has a lot of the same hobbies and interests as you both do. The four of you spend considerable time together.

When your spouse is attracted to your friend, the affair begins by innocent flirting. They both think they are good for each other. When the affair is in full bloom, it will ruin a friendship as well as two marriages.

Clue #19


When the subject is caught between the spouse and the lover, they can no longer think rationally. If your spouse tells you he or she needs time to think things through, to be able to go out with their friends and be free for a while, to unwind and relax, then there is a real problem.

No one should abandon his or her marriage to be single again, it was supposed to be a lifetime commitment, remember?

Your spouse's behavior has placed you in a difficult position. You are told you cannot any questions, which helps your spouse to avoid the marital problem and only to tell you more lies. If you let your spouse leave the marital household, you have let your spouse justify having an affair.

Clue #20


When your spouse encounters enough pressure by your asking too many questions, and the lover persists in wanting more quality time, your spouse feels as if his or her world is falling apart.

Do not feel sorry for your spouse!! Remember your spouse was the one who started this mess.

Separation is very serious. When a couple separates, your spouse will usually say he or she is moving in with a friend, a relative, or getting an apartment. Look for signs that you will only be able to contact your spouse at work, by pager or cell phone. If your spouse does not give you a direct telephone number to the new residence, then he or she is probably living with the lover.


It's not easy to admit that your spouse is having an extra-marital affair. You've taken the first step, which was the hardest one to take!

Go with your gut feelings. Is your spouse less communicative, more argumentative, declares your accusations of philandering are in your imagination? Let's face it; no one lives a perfect marital life. However, no one should have to succumb to, or live with, having an unfaithful spouse. If this sounds like the activity of your spouse or significant other, do not confront your partner. This will only cause them to clean up their act and make it more difficult for you to get the PROOF you need. Once you've established the and made notes of the behavior, there are several avenues you can pursue.

If you need positive proof that your spouse is having an affair, I would urge you to seek professional help from a private investigator. Most investigators will obtain a video of the affair and provide documented reports. Hiring a private investigator to document your spouse's behavior can be most beneficial in your divorce settlement and/or give you irrefutable evidence of the infidelity.


Wilson Investigation Network is a professional private investigations agency.

We are fair-minded and ethical! When people seek investigators in "domestic" related situations, they are already hurting enough. We will not take advantage and compound the problem by taking your money, better spent on counseling or legal assistance. We can usually tailor an affective investigation to meet the needs of most budgets.


If you actually do not need professional investigative assistance, we will tell you so and give you advice on what other actions you can take. If you do need us, we will work out a plan to give you the assistance you need. You do not risk or lose anything by calling us. Your consultation is confidential whether you hire us or not so...give us a call, today!

Grady Wilson, Owner of Wilson Investigation Network, has worked scores of "domestic" related cases. If you would like to meet with Mr. Wilson or request further information about our services, please call (912)590-2608, or feel free to send an email to: You need us for your "PROOF" and "PEACE OF MIND."



The information provided herein, is provided through practical experience in domestic investigations and the book entitled,"Tell-Tale Signs of a Cheating Spouse",by Anthony DeLorenzo & Dawn M. Ricci.